Hey Mavericks,

Let’s say you’ve known someone since y’all were practically in diapers. Maybe you’re family friends who share summer barbecues and countless game nights. The two of you were raised to be inseparable. You both grew up playing the same sport and have sat at the same lunch table since kindergarten. You never imagined life without this person, but were soon forced to face the reality of this situation. The both of you have slowly drifted away from each other, are now involved in different extracurricular activities and are part of separate friend groups. It’s awkward when you see them at social gatherings or pass each other in the school hallway. Do you reach out to reconnect? Or do you stay silent and avoid confrontation, while losing a relationship with your childhood best friend?

Your best bet is to have an in-person conversation with this person. Meet up at a spot that is familiar and comfortable for the both of you. Feel free to ask questions about them and catch up to get rid of the initial awkwardness. Once you’re ready, tell them about the emotions you’ve been experiencing. Pay attention to their response and evaluate whether it’s genuine. You may find that the other person is in the exact same boat as you and shares similar feelings. After getting on the same page, figure out ways you both can make more time for each other. One of my childhood best friends lives in a different town and we make sure to FaceTime at least once a month and hang out every break. Acknowledge that closeness isn’t dependent on whether you spend every waking moment with the other person.

So, what if the other person doesn’t respond in the way you were expecting? Either they consistently fail at keeping their commitment to make time for you or don’t contribute much to the conversation at all. While you could give them the benefit of the doubt, if it seems like they’re avoiding you, they most likely don’t want to be around you. If you’ve done nothing wrong or have apologized for minor past mistakes, choose to move on. I know it’s hard at first, but don’t waste your time and beg for somebody else’s attention. I had to learn this the hard way when one of my close friends wasn’t putting in the same amount of effort into keeping our relationship as I was. While it felt terrible, I had to realize people changed and their priorities did as well. Don’t waste precious energy worrying about something out of your control, and never think negatively about yourself because of others’ actions. But, also make sure you reflect on whether you’re being a good friend too! Remember that you’ll meet so many people in your lifetime who’ll appreciate you and your friendship.

Speaking of new relationships, invest time into making new friends. Put yourself out of your comfort zone and spend time doing things you’ll love. In due time you’ll find people who share similar interests and hobbies. Take the initiative. Compliment the girl at the gym, just make sure it’s genuine! Ask a teammate to hangout after school. Go get coffee with a classmate. While putting yourself out there can be hard, here are some suggestions that may help:

• Lean into your interests: Join communities that match what you like to do (sports clubs, the gym, or an art class)
• Start small: Try to make conversation with your peers in classes or public spaces
• Be yourself: Don’t overthink it! You won’t connect with everyone and that’s okay!

At the end of the day, surround yourself with people who love and value you!

Friendships come and go. Drifting apart from friends is inevitable and will happen a lot down the road as you graduate, go to college and move on with life after high school. At the end of the day, losing one friend isn’t the end of the world. 

With care,

Harshitha S.